By Ellyn McNamara
A thoughtful exposition on why we must believe Amber Heard.
Today's common refrains are “believe all women” and “there is no perfect victim.” Johnny Depp is a rich, famous, non-disabled, cis heterosexual male; therefore, he is naturally the one with all the agency, power, and control in a relationship.
Like Amber Heard, Johnny Depp spewed cruel and disgusting statements on audio recordings. He made even more vile statements in his texts to friends, all available for the world to see. We saw a video of him taking out his rage on his kitchen cabinets. He is not a perfect victim. But does it make him an abuser and rapist?
During direct examination, Amber talked about the “bruise kit” she used and how to cover up a bruise. Her lawyer even brought it out and said that it was the very kit that Amber carried with her throughout her relationship with Mr. Depp. But wait, the makeup brand had the receipts! The cosmetic company Milani took to TikTok to show that Amber was lying. Their color corrector compact was not released until 2017, after she and Johnny Depp were divorced, so it was literally impossible for her to have carried their kit in her purse at all times. But more important than that is the description Amber gave about covering a bruise with a color corrector was actually instructions on how to make a bruise. Ask any person that wears makeup; when you’re covering dark spots of any kind, the concealer goes on top of the color corrector, Heard said it in reverse order because that’s how you make a bruise. That is where her experience lies; in making bruises. Look up the term "bruise kit." Hell, Amber even says on the stand that it’s stage makeup. She staged these photos and created bruises.
We can hear Amber crying and begging Johnny not to leave on one recording; her emotional upset appears to be extreme and harkens to her intense fear of abandonment. Amber tells Johnny that she will die if he leaves. Amber’s emotional reaction is incongruent with the situation we hear on that tape. Johnny is asking her to let him go, let him get space, and go into the house to see his daughter. She tells him he’s throwing her against a wall (metaphorically) by leaving and rushing her and poking her. In other instances, she often calls him a coward and taunts him for “always running away from fights.” Who runs away from fights, abusers, or victims?
Listen to the testimony of their marriage therapist; Amber, in her own words, said she hit Johnny when she felt disrespected. In one clip, Amber says, “I’m sorry that I didn't, uh, uh, hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, I was not punching you. Babe, you're not punched. I don't know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you're fine; I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you. You are such a baby. Grow the fuck up, Johnny.”
If you don’t want to believe Johnny Depp’s words, believe Amber Heard. In an audio clip in court, she says, “You can tell people it was a fair fight… see what the jury and judge think. Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim, too, of domestic violence, and it’s a fair fight. And see how many people believe or side with you.” In another recording, Amber repeatedly tells the man she says abused her, “suck my dick!” She also tells him that she hopes his son’s stepfather teaches him how to be a man. Does this square with being the terrified victim of intimate partner violence (IPV)?
At the end of Amber's secret recording in Australia, where Johnny’s finger is partially severed, Amber says, “I hate that I’m the element that really sets it off.”
We hear Johnny ask Amber to stop getting physically violent with him on a recording played in court. Amber says, “I can't promise you I won't get physical again; God, I fucking get so mad sometimes I lose it. I can fucking promise you that I’m going to do everything to change.” Aren’t we told that the hallmark of an abuser is apologizing and promising to change?
Unfortunately, stories like Johnny Depp’s are not new, rare, or often discussed. Why would they be? Society has never made a safe space for men to come forward about being victims of IPV.
To my knowledge, Johnny Depp is the first and only man of public stature to come forward about being a victim of IPV. Johnny Depp is not a perfect victim. The fact that he is a man with money, power, fame, and status who has chemical dependencies on drugs and alcohol does not preclude the possibility of him being a victim of IPV.
The “Me Too” movement is nearing irrelevancy by accepting Amber Heard’s story of abuse and sexual assault as absolute truths. As I listened to Amber Heard on the stand, her stories didn’t match her previous sworn testimony and depositions accounts, nor did they match those of her witnesses. Amber has proven again and again that she is an abuser and liar. She wants us to believe that the man who was constantly running away from the fights she admitted to starting beat her up and raped her, even though her tales from the stand about brutal beatings do not match the pictures she entered as evidence. Photos from her red carpet appearances don’t show any injuries, and not one corresponding image matches the allegedly brutal beatings she described in court. If we cannot believe Amber about abuse, how can we believe her about a brutal rape? Are the lies of Amber Heard worth risking an entire movement to end rape culture? Are we not adding fuel to the fire that inflames rape culture by believing a woman who is so blatantly lying with impunity?
Why don’t we believe Amber Heard when she admits (on tape and to their marriage therapist) to starting physical fights, hitting, and punching Johnny Depp? Does Amber Heard have to abuse a woman before we believe her?
I agree with the mainstream media. It is time that we believe Amber Heard!
I tried to get this OpEd published by The New York Times and The Washington Post in May before the case went to the jury. But unfortunately, both declined to publish it.
