Sunday, August 19, 2012

I will never understand why you had to die!

For my friend Niki who was taken far too soon and far too incomprehensibly violently

My heart is broken. My beloved friend. So many years ago we met. Our friendship was kindled by a love of God and our spiritual path. But that friendship became one of depth, it became fierce friendship. Even though we met initially on the internet ( we became fast friends. Shared so many experiences, the painful and the joyous. We encouraged each other in everything, life, lo
ve, school, the spiritual path. We were Scorpio sisters. Though separated by many miles our hearts were ever kindred spirits. Though you are no longer physically present my dear sister, i know our spirits will meet again in the ether. Your love, kindness and true friendship knew no bounds. We shared a love for the simplicity of life. You my friend will always be in my heart. I pray that I carry on in your spirit of love and charity. You always saw the good in us all. I will see you again, I will remember you, I love you!

Niki was killed by Mark Beebout, a man she allowed to stay in her apartment out of the kindness of her heart.  He raped, sodomized and strangled her with a shoestring.  No one deserves to die like this.  She who had so little still opened her heart and her home to someone who did a great evil to such a kind loving giving soul.   There is no way to right this wrong!  She touched so many people.  Her death has shocked, saddened, angered and hurt all those who knew and loved her and even those who only encountered her briefly.  How can we ask for justice, what justice can be done to this sick monster who took her life?  I miss my friend. and I'm still furious that humanity can be so inhumane. 

I'm hoping to hear an answer from God, but he's been rather quiet as of late. As he always is when tragedy strikes.  My heart knows no comfort.  Trying to keep my faith, because the more things like this happen the less benevolent I believe God to be.  It takes me back to my days in high school reading the story of Job with a discerning eye I saw God and the Devil callously betting on His faithful servant.  It seemed like a cruel and inhumane joke/test and that is what life feels like mostly as of late.  

I don't want to hear some rote answer like "there's a lesson...."  " God never gives us more than we can bare"  Blah blah blah, heard it all before and it doesn't serve any purpose but to piss me off!  I need a real answer and the shame is, as long as I live I'll never get one!

I will never understand why she had to die, nor why others have to die such violent horrible deaths. 

God just sits there while we maim and kill each other.  He's mute and just watching it all......  
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